Welcome to the Frozen Apocalypse

So Big White just had the most frigid cold spell I’ve ever experienced in my life. Seriously, it was so freezing, I thought the world was going to end (even more so than when the Mayans predicted it, or it was 06/06/06, 09/09/09 or a regular Tuesday – with the amount of apocalypses we’ve had scheduled, “Tuesday” seems to be enough of a reason to spark fear into the balance of life as we know it). To be fair to my apocalypse, we WERE hit by several plagues, book of Revelations style; let me break it down for you:

Plague

Official Description

Big White Edition

Land Ugly and painful sores broke out on the people (Rev 16:2) Everyone’s hands are really dry and my lips got stuck to my jacket zipper because it was so cold
Sea Every living thing in the sea died (Rev 16:3) Big White isn’t really near a sea, but Lake Okanagan has a dead sea monster statue in it (see Exhibit 1)
Rivers and Springs They became blood (Rev 16:4) I discovered a really awesome blood-red coloured crystal light and am now cursed to never enjoy “plain” water again
Sun The sun was given power to scorch people with fire (Rev 16:8) The sun released mini-suns into the sky in an (unsuccessful) attempt to scorch everyone (see Exhibit 2)
Throne of Beast His kingdom was plunged into darkness (Rev 16:10) Winter solstice brings 15h 55mins of darkness in one 24h period
Great River Euphrates Water was dried up (Rev 16:12) In -30C, boiling water evaporates as soon as it hits the air because it cools down so quickly
Air The great city split into three parts, (…) every island fled away and the mountains could not be found (Rev 16:17) Assuming Big White can be called a “great city”, see Exhibit 3. We lose the Monashee mountains on a constant basis (as visible – or not in Exhibit 4)
Exhibit 1. Ogopogo is the Okanagan's version of the Loch Ness monster - clearly it's not doing too well!

Exhibit 1. Ogopogo is the Okanagan’s version of the Loch Ness monster – clearly it’s not doing too well!

Exhibit 2. Sundogs appeared in the sky, but (unfortunately) didn't warm anything up

Exhibit 2. Sundogs appeared in the sky, but (unfortunately) didn’t warm anything up

Exhibit 3. In the extreme cold, moving between each of the areas is virtually impossible without freezing to death

Exhibit 3. In the extreme cold, moving between each of the areas is virtually impossible without freezing to death

Exhibit 4. Please note that both photos were taken from the same location

Exhibit 4. Please note that both photos were taken from the same location

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