Some Tough Mudder Fudders

I have to start this post off by saying that Facebook’s suggested posts are terrible influences that clearly want me to die. (Okay, maybe a tad dramatic, they only wanted me to electrocute myself, sorry.)

Okay, after that dramatic introduction, I’m going to back things up a little and explain my actual story. Basically last year, a friend of mine posted something like “OMG, that sh*t be cray” with a link to Tough Mudder and my curiosity got the best of me and I did the unthinkable and CLICKED IT. It took me to an intense looking page filled with photos of people scaling walls and jumping through fire. Needless to say, my only thought before closing the tab was “OMG, that sh*t be cray”. However, since Facebook has a crazy amount of cookies that go into generating the suggested posts that spam your newsfeed, ever since then, I’ve been getting hundreds of Tough Mudder updates.

Loo

Spoiler Alert! Looking back, Tough Mudder is just far too up on this Facebook thing, they even sent me an exclusive cover photo I could use after finishing!

Eventually, my brain got tired of processing an infinite amount of ads as “cray” (because let’s face it, it’s a terrible word) and started turning them into “if that random person can crawl 19km through mud carrying massive logs while smiling like its no big deal, so can I”! Things escalated quickly from there when I clicked a link about Whistler after getting a job out there, as Facebook put two and two together and started subliminal messaging me to sign up for the Whistler Tough Mudder and at that point, I started casually mentioning that I was thinking about doing Tough Mudder. Soon enough, my cry for insanity was answered by a friend of mine in Vancouver who was putting a team together and next thing I knew, I had a ticket.

While the physical process of getting the ticket was easy enough (I did it lying in bed in my PJs, like a true Tough Mudder), the emotional process was quite the ride, taking me through 20 frames of mind from purchase to race date, as outlined below:

1)    Haha, just kidding, I’m not actually going to sign up for this, it’s insane and I’m nowhere near close enough to being in Tough Mudder-shape

2)    Yarg, I need to stop being a wimp, I still have time to train, plus, it will be so awesome to say I’ve done Tough Mudder

3)    Okay, I’m actually going to do it, CLICK

4)    OMG, why did I just pay to kill myself!? Nope, not going to do it, I just won’t show up, this was a mistake

5)    Gawd, I paid $185, I can’t just waste it, might as well step up my running routine for training

6)    Why did I even start running, this is painful, my legs hurt

7)    Wait, now I’m feeling better, this is really fun, bring it on Tough Mudder, I will DESTROY you

8)    Waitaminute, I’m barely strong enough to move my bed across the room and not even tall enough to reach the top shelf of my kitchen, how am I supposed to climb solid walls?

9)    Well, I’ve already climbed walls of ice, if anything, wooden walls will actually be easier

10)I’m so ready for this, just gotta make sure I get some rest and a good night’s sleep

11)Why did I let myself get called into work the night before the race!?

12)Oh well, TOUGH MUDDER TOUGH MUDDER TOUGH MUDDER!!

13)Why did I get too excited to sleep, I’m going to pass out

14)Oh wait, coffee is the answer to everything! Coffee coffee coffee!!

15)Wow, everyone doing the race looks really intense – is that guy wearing an army shirt? Does that girl have a headband saying she’s done this 6 times!?

16)Okay, getting close to the starting line, need a photo, it might be the last one of me ever

17)Wow, I look tough, I can TOTALLY do this

18)Is that the electroshock therapy obstacle in the distance!? Looks scary, maybe I can’t do this

19)Wait, I’m right at the starting line, no turning back now (like seriously, there’s too many people around me, I can’t get out)

20)LET’S GOOOOOOO!!

#beastmode

#beastmode

From that point on, (as I’m assuming you can imagine), things got even more insane. There were way.too.many obstacles that either required me to lift something atrociously heavy (*cough Hold Your Wood and Warrior Carry *cough) or climb over an overly high wall (I’m looking at you Glory Blades, Berlin Walls and Everest). Now, as someone who named their blog Travvelsized because she’s a short, tiny girl, these obstacles were kind of hard..! Lucky for me though, the name of the game at Tough Mudder is “teamwork” and I had some pretty stellar teammates to help boost and pull me up and over the walls. 10462689_10204214858794118_3206102964491589114_n

None of this is to say that I was an un-tough Mudder though! I breezed through the water obstacles jumping 12ft into freezing water in Walk The Plank and Arctic Enema and flew through mud pits, under barbed wire and through pitch-black tunnels in Kiss Of Mud, Mud Mile, Trench Warfare and Prairie Dog. These obstacles are the reason I wanted to do Tough Mudder, this is the kind of thing I do for fun!

Throwback to jumping into the glacier-fed Lake Louise

Throwback to jumping into the glacier-fed Lake Louise

Finally, after 19km of running and 18 obstacles, it was time for the grand finale, Electroshock Therapy. Despite the fact that you needed to sign an extra waiver for this obstacle because it’s literally just you running through a field of electrical wires, I knew they couldn’t make the shocks strong enough to kill / maim anyone without getting into some serious legal troubles, so I decided to just sprint it through and hope to weave through as many of the wires as I could.

"Please don't die, please don't die, please don't die!"

“Please don’t die, please don’t die, please don’t die!”

This worked for about half the course, until I heard a less-than-Rice-Krispies-friendly snap, crackle, pop of a wire hitting my arm. The shock stung, but I made my way through avoiding further harm (although wincing quite a bit). I was about to reach the finish, when I looked back to see that one of my teammates had disappeared! Looking around, she was facedown in the mud of Electroshock Therapy! I sprinted back through the obstacle (wincing even more this time) and luckily, she was able to get up and meet me halfway, explaining that she had passed out, but wasn’t in any pain.

Needless to say, by the end of the course, we, along with all the other Mudders, had definitely earned our headbands and finisher shirts! Also, Facebook is now suggesting I sign up for the Vancouver Triathalon, go base jumping and sign up for the Spartan Race!

Is it bad that I want to sign up just so that I can scream SPARTAAAAAAAAAA

Is it bad that I want to sign up just so that I can scream THIS! IS! SPARTAAAAAA!!

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4 thoughts on “Some Tough Mudder Fudders

  1. Pingback: College Tourist Global Writers' Round Up | The College Tourist

  2. Pingback: Sprinting Into A Triathlon – Travvelsized: a Triathlon-Sized Odyssey: Part 1 | Twice as much in half the space

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